emiemma

Starting a blog so I can scream into the void. I've been thinking of journaling for a few months but I never remember to do it even if the journal sits right on top of my desk. Blogging seems like a better alternative for me because I don't have much artistic talent and I don't like using my stickers. Also the off chance someone might see this blog excites the attention whore in me.

Right now in life: I'm a junior in college and I deeply dislike everything about it. I'm trying to find a new hobby or interest to hyperfixate on because life feels empty and meaningless without it. I've been into this kpop group called nct wish for a hot minute but I feel myself losing interest. I'm not really sure why, maybe it's the lack of comeback or maybe its my friend Leo losing interest and not having anyone to talk to about it. I haven't talked to him in like a week and I still want to maintain the friendship but I don't want to annoy him with nct wish stuff if he's not interested anymore. I also don't know if I have it in me to stan another kpop group. Anyways I just downloaded the homestuck backup in hopes it entertains me.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed or not in all honesty. I don't feel like I'm mentally ill, just that my life is shit and my mental state reflects that. I've been on medication for a few years on and off and I don't think its ever had much effect on me. I do want to kill myself though but personally, I don't really think being suicidal is a sign of mental illness.

Anyways all of this is what i would tell my therapist if I had one.